time of my life

I had the best winters ever...went on this holiday with ush...am sure all u guys know her...for those who don’t she's one of my closest buddies...her birthday was on the 2nd of December and i was running out on ideas what to give her...
it was this point in time that we were bonding...and she told me she had never seen snow just like me..That’s what sparked off our two week long vacation. Just the two of us.. We left for Delhi on the 12th and shopped there till the 14th. on the 15th we went to shimla...shimla is scenic has a couple of architectural wonders like the place where shimla conference was held and the museum....other than that. The place is very lazy...it dies after seven.. But we were very excited as barista stayed awake with us. We chilled there for three days... ad them left for manali a ten hour drive from there..
haan before i forget we went by train till shimla and that was truly amazing...the drive to manali was as beautiful as ever...and even my hill sickness left me this trip...manali, kulu and naggar was truly what they all seemed like in the travel books. And we actually went until rohtang pass and a little beyond on the leh ladakh highway despite it being closed to public in the winters...the snow I mean ice from last year did need some work out. We literally broke the ice...and played with our version called snow...but what stole the entire scene were the frozen waterfalls. They were truly spectacular...i was completely enthralled the way even the ripples and folds of the waters lay completely frozen...the icicles were a treat...
back at Delhi...Vivekh gave me a surprise as he landed there with tickets to Agra...something he and ush had not seen...so that was another trip...we made it back to the hot and sultry Chennai through the fog...
Just had to share all this...it was the most rejuvenating trip...and i had a blast...
Merry Christmas and have a great new year ahead...
Cheers…

time of my life

IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL LOVE?

They were married for 5 years. No attachments yet…was there a reason? She was a from a very well to do family. He had lost his earlier job and family. They were both staying with her parents. She was his wife… yet her duties were not limited to just that. Her husband was working at a pharmaceutical company or so he said and so she thought. He would leave the house each day at seven in the morning and would come back after everyone had fallen asleep. She would finish her chores, extra too cause she was a burden in her paternal house. At nights she did a different duty. She doubled up as a watchman. Neck turned 180 degree toward the bus stand she stood night after night that maybe this would the night he would come back early…

He was an alcoholic and a chronic consumer of tobacco. The minute the tobacco starts working sending its affect to his blood, that’s when his mornings kick start. Usually it’s screaming at his wife – a reaction from last night’s hangover. He would make her keep clothes for him, make his choiced menu filed breakfast, polish his shoe, and even brush his teeth if possible…she would do them all. Make his breakfast, polish, clean the room, make his bed…her ordeal was the same each day….she always wore a pleasant smile on her face…

I often wondered how that smile on her face never disappeared…she was so cheerful…my sister told me maybe it got stuck and now she’s stuck with it. Its amazing how someone can put up with all that and yet and want to do willingly. He beat her every night…and she never retaliated….how? I have no clue…she had no reasons for outlet…she could not cry everyone would know and she would never let that happen. She could never give up on her husband…she stood there to guard him…protecting…he was a devil and she was his angel…

Then one day something happened and I saw that she was not smiling…when they asked her she kept quiet…but her face said it all. He had beaten her black and blue and she was sore…how could the body then smile?

I just kept silent…observing the harsh realities that took place in front of my eyes day after day…trying to be insensitive otherwise the feminist inside would get the better of me…but the tears stuck in the tear duct, and her attempt to smile without the body agreeing to let her…all let me know that she was probably dead in feelings lunch before she knew, much before she realized and her love for him was only because she did not even know what was happening, how could she even react…she had become comfortably numb…

Status of working women in society

God made two images and mounted them on a stone he named one man and the other one a woman but the when someone asked him how he would distinguish between them all he did was he planted a drop of tear below her eye…
I mean did God already decide the fate of a woman that she would bear all the consequences and then in retaliation just cry her heart out… like it is the only way of cleansing her soul!
Well the status of a woman since then has not changed at all. So what if she chooses to work and help the family by contributing financially? It certainly does not relieve her of her household chores! The catch here is, it is her decision! So she has to pay a price…
Women's liberation has brought about changes they say but I ask changes in what ways? I mean is slogging inside and outside the house liberation? Or is liberation doing additional work because you've stayed out during the day or you stay up whole night pleasing your husband… he can't do without you remember? Questions like these are controversial but truth always hurts! I have hardly heard anyone proudly saying" my wife contributes equal money and I contribute equally in the household activities". The day men say these lines that will be true liberation and not otherwise.
Earlier women were not allowed to work and hence she worked inside the four walls of the house but now that she has been allowed to work why should she work double her capacity? There has been hence no change in the workload and the pressure she has from the house or outside by her boss.
Facts and figures prove beyond doubt that two thirds of the men do not participate in the household activities at all like they were made only to get money for the house. And among those who do help it ranges from six to eleven hours a week. And imagine her state if she has children the workload is almost tripled! And then there are no specific hours she chose to work so she can also choose to sacrifice on hours of sleep or even that one or two hours she needs for herself! If you thought that the over the years the situation has changes you are highly mistaken because it has just become the opposite. Now because of mounting pressures of finishing work on time and also juggling with her children's studies because they have testes almost every second day she has also cook, clean, dust and satisfy her husband everyday because he loves her remember?

And then the eternal fear also rests, if she does not satisfy him then he will immediately start looking for pleasures outside!
What can a woman do? How does her being a woman exempt her from work? Why can't men understand? All she wants is a little bit of co-operation and understanding. She is not asking the man to quit his job but all she asks if she ever does is help her out in the chores and also make her life a little less stressful!
I certainly don't think that this is asking for too much women have never shirked responsibility but they have always managed to balance both the sides. The only thing which remains unsaid but left to us to be understood is that she is a human being first and not a woman!

this is funny...

What's in a name?

My mom has never liked parents who christen their children with names of Gods and Goddesses! If you were to ask me why I can rattle off an explanation which is not only weird but also very amusing…
My mom teaches in a school where she really hates it when she has to scold children… screaming at them saying " Narayan why are you such a pain?" or screaming, "Ram when will you learn to behave more decently?"…. Or perhaps, "Saraswati please come dressed properly…" They are some of the names she has never liked. For that matter it does sound very strange because it sounds like you are actually screaming at God and even though it is only a name my mom finds it very uncomfortable and keeps blaming their parents for putting her in such an awkward situation.
Then you have names of those people who are very much unlike what their names suggests them to be. Take for example Komal I mean how can you possibly call a loud mouthed and rough woman Komal? Why would anyone call a dusky female Ujjwala? Or for that matter why would any be named Neelkamal when he or she is not blue but wheatish? How can anyone call someone Prasad when he never wants to share!
Theres another incident that comes my mind every time I think of names. I had a friend by the name Sorry well you don’t have to be sorry because her parents aren't! But the best thing is that the teachers in my institute got very confused. I remember this friend of mine who once happened to ask her name and Sorry replied Sorry. "No, no what is your name?" "Sorry", this went on for about 5 minutes, both of them got very infuriated and it took some time for me to make her understand that she was christened Sorry.
Right from the Shakespearean times names have always been a tag attached to one's personality. They also in themselves are attributes and names always connoted the same. Agreed that virtues and vices could be the best description of a person's identity but that was then… when we did not have any underlying meaning for the same. But now I find it very funny when Sorry told me that her sister is called 'Believe me'… I mean 'Believe me' that’s her name! And that’s not all, there's another sister… and her name is, hold your breath… 'Hate me'! And this is the absolute truth, believe me!
Well this is just a few of the weirdest names I have ever heard. But imagine a name like Patience or Gratitude… makes no sense right? Well two of my friends in Namibia are named Love and Peace. Don't ask me why… I have no idea. For me these names are plain weird. My friend Believe me once told me how she felt very weird the first time she was dumped because she had no idea why her boy friend kept making so many attempts to convince her that he was not interested in her anymore. I believe he kept saying Believe me, believe me I think we should not see each other any more. She naturally had no idea why he kept addressing her twice!
So that’s what names can do. I guess parents ought to be a little more thoughtful. Because believe me, Love is actually patience and I know you will never be Sorry about it!

this really happened...in manipal

Tiger by the tale

Forty five minutes after I was over fed on the myths surrounding our tiger circle, I was returning to my hostel room. The road was lonely but I was contemplating if it could be true that tigers actually came evrynight and sat near the circle to hold their daily meetings?
Walking through the roads of MIT, I saw the shadows of these two guys walking behind me; their shadows encroaching on mine with every light that passed me.
Ten minutes later, I was with my friends again. Rima, Megha and Kriti were seated in this lonely dark patio enjoying the rain. I wanted to share my renewed belief about the circle when `GRRRUNT!’ Only Megha heard the strange noise. “Oh come on I’m sure you are making it up,” said Rima. “No I hear a grunt.” she claimed. Rima retorted by saying “Oh shut up Megs, it’s probably a pig. The worst it can do is sniff you up and go." We started giggling like nine-year-olds. Just then Rima heard another grunt. “GRUNT!” No, actually it was more of a roar but in lower decibels! But trust me it was more than enough to get us scared. I laughed at Rima and then I heard it too. And so did Kriti. We were shell shocked, all of stood close together- stuck I could say. “Grunt! Grunt!” That was it .We ran screaming at the top of our voices, loud enough to make anyone deaf! But we couldn’t care less. My main aim was to reach Ananya mess or just reach the watchman. “He would certainly help us,” I assured my already worked up soul as I was leading (the race to safety). We must have reached the end of the block when we heard it again. “That hideous noise” snapped Megha. Rima stopped to look back. We all did, but could not see a soul or any animal. Sudenly, something yanked me from behind. I yelled, “Oh my god! The beast has caught me!” Turning back I realised it was only Rima. My calculative mind could only work out short-term strategies for safety. But I guess I failed (miserably!).
We summoned all the might we could and ran screaming…desperately, wondering why the gates we so often see didn’t seem closer than a few miles atleast. Was it the beast that was doing this?
We ran through the rain, hysteric from the experience, embarrassed from our reaction, and tired from the exhilarated run (we so needed after the amount we eat each day!). Soaking wet; we looked at each other and refused to go to the bathrooms alone that night, lest the beast chose to roar up the commode as well!
We changed uninhibited…the beast made everything a community experience.
We did think about it as soon as we settled down to our normal selves…and there were many theories going about…it could have been one of those beefcakes whose shadows were passing me by an hour ago. One of them could have been a perfect ventriloquist…or could the myth of the tiger circle finally be coming true?

my second poem....

Lost

A log lost in the wilderness of the seas…
A rat lost in the mighty jungles…
A grain of rice lost in the sack…
Am lost too…among people, among the furniture and at home…

Will I get someone I think?
Someone like me; I think?
Will it all click I wonder?
What’s the point whatever I think I’m lost…

A single leaf on that huge tree…
A single grain of sugar in the bowl…
A single tealeaf in my cup…
Am single too…among friends, among couples, amidst family

People say wait…you will find the guy
Friends say hang on he’s around the corner,
Colleagues keep peeping out for me…
I feel he’s lost too…like me…lost

It’s going to be a while before I make my way back…
It’s going to be a while before I find him…
Its going to be a while before I stop cribbing and complaining…
It’s going to be a while before I say I’m lost…not anymore

do u think this way?

The word live- in -relationships conjures up a world of freedom and no bondage to many. But are people really happy in such a relationship? Don't you think it is more of an escapist attitude for people who like to shirk of responsibilities? And for them the best possible mode of freedom would be to enjoy all the marital bliss without actually having been in one. All they want is the excitement. And do not want any threads attached to their life thereby giving themselves an easy access to walk out of the relationship any time they want or when they find it inconvenient.
Nowadays this concept is gaining momentum as couples consider marriage as too much of a burden and wish to break free. Well what they conveniently forget is that marriage provides the safety and the bond that is imperative. Imagine you having a row and your partner just dumping you! Where do you go? Whom do you turn to? And supposing you are unemployed then what do you do? You cannot even claim alimony!
Life does not end here… it just begins. You have the whole society shunning you, calling you names which you never even dreamt of and then quoting and portraying you as a bad example of some one and something you would never get into. I don't think any sane person would get into a relationship just to enjoy and with no afterthoughts. Also couples conveniently forget that they are living in a society that does not encourage these acts, so imagine the backlashes and repercussions of it. We must always remember that we are a part of this society and that this kind of momentary bliss will not last for long.
What most of the couples also forget is that marriage gives you the legality to give birth to children but in a live in relationship if you have children then who takes the responsibility once you leave? And whose name does the child get? Also what is the child's identity as an individual? Isn't he answerable to his peers and the society? Well these are the very points that shake the base of this concept. Activists have drilled couples on these are as for some years now but no one till date has given any convincing answer. Well if you are the types who do not want to have children and don't like any commitments then this kind of a relationship is perhaps an answer for you. But the question remains will one be happy in such a flexible relationship? What if your partner wants to sleep with someone else while you are around? On what grounds are you going to stop him? Aren't all those grounds also you are quoting flimsy?
Well whatever the reason I feel one should be very careful and should be mature enough before they make any commitment. They should rationalise and work out their marriage before they delve into one. They should also decide to what extent they want to carry on this relationship. Because in the end they have no one to blame but themselves. And they must strictly remember that they have made an informed choice and they should have the guts to abide by it!

i believe

Homosexuality a personal choice

Homosexuality started as a movement during the sixties. The movement talked in terms of sexuality being as central as sociological discourse as class caste or gender. They called the males as gays and females as lesbians. However, Radical feminists have always argued that there is unequal sexual equation in heterosexual relationships. This happens primarily because of patriarchal values and the power associated with it, which expects a woman to be subordinate to man in all areas including the sexual. This has led Feminists to espouse empathy with alternate forms of sexual expression not only in terms of fulfilment of desires but also as a form of resistance to patriarchy.

This is what paved the way for queer culture’s culmination during the sixties. And it was because of the disenchantment with social life that queer culture evolved.
The first two phases of this movement which lasted from 1968 to the 1980's started out with condemning the fact that homosexuality was a psychological disorder. However, it moved on from there wherein these movements gained even political identities and it also progressed to such an extent that homosexuality as a variable was brought in form of texts, in the movies and also in academics. The last phase, which began in 1980's and is still continuing, is a backlash against the gay and lesbian movements. However the whole movement has now taken a new route and as a result it started faltering.

It has come to such a stage now where conservative ideas have crept in due to the changing times and where homosexuality began as equal power for both the individuals now a whole new identity has been created. The couples have now begun to feel the need to conform to the societal norms and hence have started indulging in marriages, adoption and also pre nuptial bonds like property etc.

The media has, however, played up the movement and its role in the entire issue is one of sensationalising the movement. In fact till date the individuals are given an overdose of publicity which in all its 'saneness' makes them look insane and weird. The publicity given to homosexuals is absolutely hyped and the motive clearly shows that they are being projected, as they are something, which needs to be noticed, and the image is being promoted only in a negative manner. Take for example the movie Fire, even there the movie was given unnecessary publicity because of which there was a dire need to screen separate shows for men and women. The movie after censorship lost its identity from its original version and the modifications, which were made, were done to adapt to what the society demands.

What I feel personally is that lesbians or gays it's entirely one's own discretion and we don't have any say in it. And I can speak confidently about it. This is because I feel I'm more open minded about the entire issue. Maybe this is because we've been taught about it and I know the correct and actual reasons for the beginning of the movement. Also by tracing its entire journey I have a fair idea of why its faltering and why its taken the shape as it is now. The society I feel is not acting objectively at all and is forcing the gay couples to conform jeopardising their state and thereby creating an identity crisis for them in life.

The feeling is that there is a need for creating awareness and not in creating them as show pieces. Lesbians or gays they have a life of their own and also they have the power to decide what they want to do with it. The media or politicians needn't make them as some manifestations of what they are not. Taking such a decision as that to go against society is already a challenging choice and living it is equally difficult. Let us not create more trouble and hassles for them. They are not queer or abnormal they are like us maybe they just prefer to be different and this difference should be seen in only in a positive way.

I would just like to say that they do not need our sympathy if we can't accept them at least lets not certainly criticise them and make them feel unwanted. And to sum up all what I have been saying I would like to end by saying 'each to his own…'

this is close to me

X’TRA MARITAL AFFAIRS!!!!!!!!!!!

My best friend was a married man. We were still best of friends. I could talk to him about anything from books and art to Newton and philosophy. Our topics of discussion were never limited. It had a ‘flightless boundary’ and I was proud of it. Mr. Saranik was all I could ask for in a friend. Perfect I would call him. I met him when I first came to my newly built house. Among the other strange faces that looked on my family and me those warm caring eyes stood out certainly… distinct.
I first spoke to him when we were on the first floor. If you ask him he would probably give you all the dates and timings without any doubt. “All that you say is beautiful, you are my source of my inspiration also….” he used to say. From telling him that I saw a butterfly flying to hey have you read this book? Everything was beautiful or so he said and so I thought. I was always elated at all the generous outpouring compliments he showered on me almost everyday. I was myself with him; there was no need of any masks or portrayal, probably the prime reason why I came so close to him. My family however knew I needed one friend and they were happy it was him. He was considered to be this icon of knowledge, ideas. I always looked on him with awe.... The way he mingled with others and what he spoke and why he said some stuff to me and not to others... well that was him. I remember all the song dedications and the books he recommended he was such a source of knowledge. I never even needed to ask for anything it was said even before I said anything; He helped out with grammar and maths. I was really proud that I had the best of friends. Things ran smoothly for some time………
Well it started when one day I heard someone commenting on the way I talk to him. At first I ignored thinking what the heck it’s my life and I know what I’m doing. Whispers soon began to become sentences and little did I know that I was the topic of every discussion in the flat. Mr. Saranik said he couldn’t be bothered and hence I kept quiet for a while. By this time our friendship had become very strong and I really depended on him emotionally. Aindrilla, his wife was very sweet and understanding we were like one family. He came to our house and no one thought anything. But these conversations never had any effect on our families but not for long!!!!!!!!
I still remember the walk I took with him when we had our three-day long power cut. The amount and the truth I learnt during those 30 minutes are probably what I still think of life. There is no one hand clapping that was also one very important thing I learnt that day. “Archana, you will face a lot of hurdles because of the naïve person that you are. I seriously think you should be a little more assertive and also FIRM what ever you do.” Then one day his wife screamed at him and accused him of going beyond the lines of marriage, she was very upset and she wouldn’t even talk to me. I became a victim of something I was never a part of consciously (I swear)



“Extra marital affair” it was termed as. I hated that word and still do. I thought extra marital affairs were only on a physical level but maybe I was wrong. Looking back on what went on in her life, how insecure she was, another woman coming into his life, just as a friend, was enough for our relationship o be termed as that phrase I despise and loathe now. As in maybe, I was absolutely wrong…. Well he came up to me one day and told me how much he loved me, and what I meant to him and professed his undying love for me. He also said that he would go to any extent to preserve this relationship he shared with me.
Well I was shocked I cannot express myself very clearly because even today when I think of those moments I feel very insecure and I feel like I was taken for a ride in the name of friendship. At first I blanked out, I could see my worst nightmare coming true in front of my eyes. What the hell I thought, what relationship was he talking about what did undying love mean to him? Were they not the same things he had said he had told his wife? I soon came back to my senses and took the strongest and most difficult decision of my life. I terminated ‘our’ friendship (It’s a different matter that only I had termed our relationship that). He was not worth it I consoled myself. It really took me a long time to get over him and the friendship I was forced to abandon because of a greater cause. But now I’m proud of myself thinking of what could have happened if I had held back that day and if I had still kept in touch with him…. I still keep in touch but on a very formal basis. Maybe people will not understand why. Its because he accepted it was a mistake, a grave one too. And as usual I forgave him. And that’s the end of that chapter. I still think I’m the cause of a major diversion and also misunderstanding in their family.
Probably that’s the reason why I can never talk freely to guys when all my friends do. Why I still feel that a guy and a girl can never be just friends… I hate to talk to guys who have girl friends, people never understand what I’m going through they feel I’m a prude and a hypocrite but one day they will…. Or maybe one day I’ll stop generalising and start feeling once again and stop holding myself responsible for everything but I know that it will take time. I just hope it stops taking its toll on me.
Extramarital relationships are a very common phenomenon today. Three-fourths of the world today has families ruined because of the turmoil in them due to the existence of a third person. Why should people not be content with their married lives? When will people be satisfied and stop looking for others to keep them happy? Why can’t people compromise and isn’t marriage all about giving and taking? Well all these rhetorical questions can be pondered and answered by us. That’s why counsellors are making so much of money, as this is also the reason for the increasing hypertension world-wide. Couples should be more understanding and there should be no room or space left for any third person.




Some blame it on work the others say they were forced into marriages and more often the answer is” my marriage is boring and there is no spice left in it” I ask who is responsible for all this? Why can’t they themselves resolve it since they are the ones who started it in the first place? For me marriage is for keeps. I cannot imagine my married life getting ruined. A husband and wife have to work as a pair like a close unit to keep it going. They have to season it with all the spices and also add water or sweet to reduce the spice. The fire has to be simmering if the need arises and the flame has to be on continuously for the dish or marriage to be cooked well… to be relished while eating it. Some like it bland and some like it garnished. Well the choice is personal but how well they juggle between the ingredients is what makes the whole situation and the dish so very special. How can they let something bitter fall into the dish they are so skilfully labouring at and even if it falls despite all the precautions I think it depends on one’s own understanding, emotional balance presence of mind and taste how he or she would handle the situation. The end result has to be good. This should be the chief aim. And I’m sure each of us is an expert in cooking or managing things ourselves.
Well this experience has certainly helped me grow. I can now handle difficult experiences without many hassles. I can look at things more objectively and I have also learnt not to blame myself unnecessarily without analysing things well.

Hey something i absolutely fell in love with

In My Next Life ...
In this life I'm a woman.
In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate,
you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you give birth to your children
(who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.
I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup...gonn! a be a bear!

one of my firsts...

GONE

I let him go that day
I let him go today

Why?
Cause he chose not to stay

What?
I’m still trying to figure it out

When?
Again…this noon

I let him go that day
Again…today

try and see if u get this? i want to know all ur interpretations!!!!

WHEN

When the flowers bloom
And the butterflies hover around them…
When the bees suck honey
Then my love I will come to u…

When the last clouds have gone…
And rays of the sun have wiped away the darkness
When the birds begin to chirp again…
Then I will lie in your arms my love

When the harvest is ready,
And the dew is settled down below
When the roses are pink and red
Then we will go to the church to wed

When the days are lit again,
And the raindrops moisten the leaves,
When the oak trees sing you this song…
Then you will think of me who is now the bird, the wind, the rain, the sun and the earth.

The most meaningful poem i've ever written...

…The analogy….


I think of you and me as two oceans…
We started out as two
With a line in between…separating us
We were close in the beginning…
Coz at that time what we really wanted was:
To be together…
We would do anything to cross over and though we never could
We tried and that’s what mattered…
Whether it was just watching each other,
Or spending time
Listening or talking
We would do it all
Compromises and sacrifices were a parcel in our lives…
As time passed by….
We moved on…
I stayed and u did…move on
I just went a little away at sometimes…
When I felt we were having too may differences
But every step I took away from u
U took four…away
From me…
I stayed on hung there…
As I do till date.
Wondering whether I could give u a hand
Or give u a rope…
Yank you back to me…
Not that I did not try
But I was scared
Because when ever I tried
You did not touch
You did not try to swim this a way
U went far off…
Now things seems to be running away
From the tides…
Into the sunset…
A place where I know I can never reach,
U have dived off into the horizons…
And there I know I can never ever reach out to…
I listen to my heart everyday…
My heart says stay…
u will be mine… always
My mind says move on…
In this dilemma of the heart and mind…
Who are at loggerheads now?
I’m drained out
But not lost out on hope…
What I hope…
Though impossible…
The earth takes a nasty turn and…
Throws u back to me…
And u instead of having ur own path fall into mine…
Back to me…
Back to where things were
U and me…just bliss… nothing else.
And even though time has lapsed
We have not…
Time and tide …
Have taught us
The art of life
‘The art of love’

an honest poem...

BROKEN

Do you know what breaking is
A relationship broken
A bond broken
A trust broken
My ray of hope broken

A two letter bomb blew up my house this noon

Built in trust, hope and wish
It blew into a billion pieces…
And with it broke the vase,
The chairs, the teapots, the swing, the slide
And our children

No that’s all he said
And before I knew everything blew
Swept me off the present
Future is never mine
Everything is lost…nothing mine
Into a thousand million pieces
Sprung over space and time
I don’t know if I can ever rebuild…

Its all gone…
Broken

A story close to my heart...

JUST LOVERS!!!

Jack loved her. Ever since he had seen her in those green spaghetti straps at his birthday party he had fallen head over heels for her. Sandra had always admired his broad shoulders and those deep brown eyes.

Sandra hated parties and dances and she never knew what to do there. But this one called for everyone. And she knew why her hunch was right…he was there too. Dressed to kill as usual. She hesitated wondering what it would be to go and talk to someone who you secretly admired and to someone who is hated by all your friends. By then there was some mayhem and a friend asked her to leave. As they were leaving she caught him looking at her walking past. His gaze was tickling her naked skin that hid behind the beige cowl necked top she wore. Ahaa!!! Now she knew what butterflies in the stomach meant... But what was it to have thousands; all flapping their wings at the same time. Their eyes met... Their hearts flipped... They left.

Something was not quite right. And before she knew what can be done she was on the road, pants torn… the tyre squashing her feet and head swarming with questions. She was bleeding and the only thing that made sense to her then was that someone strong was there. She looked up to see a blurred vision of those strong shoulders helping her.. Her leg in cast and some stitches down her slender arms. Surprised she blinked. Those beautiful eyes…they were electrifying… they could draw anyone … And of course Jack was not an exception. The accident changed the whole scenario. And against all forces of nature they fell in love all over again… the hospital visits and the eating outs drew them closer not just as lovers but also as friends. The first kiss happened soon.. She had never been able to resist his neck… It was ravishing. He stopped the bike. It was stirring!. They held each other till it was time to leave. But word spread around and his folks were not going to like this...

The course would soon get over. A decision needed to be taken. But no one broached the sensitive topic. There were innumerable problems between them as a couple. Tastes varied so much so that the only thing similar was raw onion. He hated potatoes; she sweared by them. He could woo boiled rice and she hated it…the list goes on and on and on… Its not like their relationship was a fairy tale. But it was love and forces above that never let them separate. Atleast so they hoped... Or one of them hoped…

They spoke about it one day and doom burst… he was not ready for commitment and she wanted everything else and that… The Gods were not happy with them… They cannot separate; the gods thought…the Gods tried everything… they made them meet two months after they bid each other painful and heartaching goodbyes. Then they made Sandra help him look for a job for him...he got one… they were happy she was happy…but he got a promotion and he left…

Sandra’s heart bled but she loved him too much to ask him not to go… the gods tried too but in vain... He had to leave. She could not hold her emotions any longer. She asked him to keep in touch all over again… the Gods smiled... they Gods knew no bounds to their joy… at last they were coming back they heaved a sigh of relief….

Every time they met… it was they same old renewed attraction. They same old affection... renewed... only now a ‘lil more… but it always ended the same way… they parted with heavy hearts and the gods above hated them for doing this… hated one of them…but this time when she called him up... She wanted to tell him that her parents were asking her to get married and she had to.... He agreed to come to sort out matters… they gods winked at each other… he came… they loved and kissed… all night wondering what the next morn would bring for them… Each one was scared… they started and it ended… their relationship… once for all…. the gods screamed… but he left her… in the arms of tears… sorrow and a ray of hope…a hope that one of the gods gave her as they could not see love wasted like this… but she cursed the Gods above... to make her wish and hope... Hope for the uncertain… but they taught her to have faith and belief… they taught her the art of love…

Marriage or Mar your age… And Mar what all else?

How do know when it is right for you? Who is right for you? Are you marrying the guy or is it the same conventional package deal- you marry his family? What all do you compromise on or lets just say SACRIFICE? Now doesn’t that sound more real? IS your man going to be worst nightmare that haunts you daily? What happens to you? Your ideas, your views, you? Your identity, your maiden name, your individuality.
They say life is a gamble I say marriage is. The above mentioned thoughts may just be a few nerve wracking pointers to what marriage can be…but then there are loads more I want to talk about.
Parents want their children to marry that all. And children agree for lack of choice. There lies the first mistake. Ask yourself is marriage inevitable? Necessary? What does it give you? Why do u suddenly need it only after you turn 20? Where u not alone until now?
Parents emotionally blackmail (EB) as in would term it into marrying. On the stakes are grandchildren, them dying, aging, your happiness etc etc…the list can just go on and on.
Ask yourself aren’t you happy now? Do u have to marry to be happy? And is happiness a guarantee after marriage? Who assures this? Ok let me clear one thing am not against marriage but am not for all that it demands…
The do’s and don’ts are almost killing. You lose whatever you stood for in life. I’ve made a list of what I was before and believe me I don’t see myself anymore at all. This is not me that’s all my conscience screams!!! You have to be what is expected of you whether or not you want to…and this is the hypocrisy am opposed to.
Marriage has lost its meaning in today’s world.
In life we never do things which are bad for us the why do we in marriage? Does an individual never have to heed to what his heart has to say? Why do we have to change? Isn’t marriage about accepting the person for who they are? One can have expectations but there has to be a limit somewhere…

If marriage is about companionship then companionship only comes when you can be accepted for who you are and not the changed you according to his likes…that is taking away from you an individual what she has been till date…then there is no companionship…it just becomes slave driving because you want and she gives. Whether she wants to and whether she likes…

If marriage is about love then where does love happen when all the person is expected to do is comply with what you and your family wants? This totally negates her wants and kills inner happiness then forget about love.

If marriage is about happiness how does she feel happy if all she does is sacrifice, compromise, keep others happy, all after choking her desires and wants?

If marriage does not give you any of this then why have this institution at all? Isn’t love important than marriage? You can’t start liking someone because you are married to him because then its compromising and this should never be done. You sho0uld love only when you feel this. Why can’t couples have more time to feel loved rather than jump into something and force emotions because the relationship and situation demands for it?

Folks today have to understand that marriage is not just commitment; it’s a responsibility you have to understand, accept and abide…but all this can only happen when you want it and are ready for it. The reason why marriages fail now a days is because no one wants to be unhappy and lead a life written according to other peoples’ expectations and wants. Everyone has now developed a sense of judgment and they know what they want, how they want it and why they want?

Marriage is serious and a full time job. Just like there are loads of other jobs you cannot do or you are not entirely fit for marriage too. We have to make informed choices in life because its 75% of our lives we are talking about. Why stake it where there is unsurity lurking at the back of your head? Today everyone is more educated, exposed and realistic. If they know they can get happiness elsewhere they will and adultery will only complicate matter further. Then why go through all this in the first place?
Couples should only marry when they are 100% sure that this is what they want and can abide by all the definitions till the end. There is no use shirking it in between or running away because you suddenly feel you don’t need it! Understand that’s it’s difficult for him and her. Marriages should be only chosen when the strings attached are not going to take away your meaning from life and you can still be the same after you are in it too.

There should not be any give ups and marriage should be looked at rather dealt with like a dish. You cook it...add spices and garnish it…and cook only till you need lest it becomes so bad that you regret even having tried it. You cannot undercook it because it will be so tasteless and lifeless that no matter how much ever you try to add stuff you will never get the perfect taste. You will always have to be ready to add and subtract ingredients and experiment while cooking as the surprise element always works!

Let’s just end by saying…try cooking together…now we don’t want to know what you are cooking!!! Do we?

Indian men...

And the award goes to the world’s biggest hypocrites. Their favourite shows... Baywatch, Bold and the Beautiful, Santa Barbara…. Why? Because those are the only places where the women show more skin…if you are wondering what I’m rattling about? Well the answer is the same Indian man who thinks its ok to see skin of women on TV, or in the films cannot bear to let his wife wear sleeveless, halters or anything that remotely reveals skin….

Indian men are brought up like that….its called conditioned upbringing…for them they believe there are two different types of women…one whom you can watch…willing suspension of disbelief! And another whom you should cover up and keep within the holy premises of the house. No one can lay eyes on her. The men are in an advantage…they get to see both the types of women (again classified totally by them). The women, however, are always at the mercy of these men and it’s in their prerogative where they place them. But let me tell you one thing. No Indian man will mix the two. One woman is to take home to his mother and the other one is to satisfy his oh so ever overflowing libido…

Very rarely Indian men let their women placed at home dress up in these clothes what they usually only see. If they have been deprived of visual satisfaction then the make the women at home show skin…and this can and is only permissible within the confines of the bedroom! How totally disgusting.

Why cant a woman show skin and not be termed revealing? What is so wrong in dressing up the way you want to? Why are there so many rules laid? And how come men don’t mind seeing these women who show skin and but they would never make them their wives… if they really cannot make these women their wives or give them respectable positions at home why watch them in the first place…women will definitely stop revealing. They are forced to be the way they are because that’s what the men want to see and because of the question of bread and butter. The whole industry is whether we want to believe it or not dominated and ruled by men! Then how do u expect women not to do what they are? They are only willingly complying with the demands of these very men…

The more one dwells on the topic the more disgusting it gets. Married women also are traumatised each day as they are forced to believe that since they are married they have lost all their freedom to choose what they want to wear. They have to wear what the others decide. Married women then only remain as puppets in the hands of the men of the house who then keep tugging the strings whenever the woman tends to go a little away from what they term as Normal…

All am asking is why does a woman then exist? She is not just a commodity for sexual pleasures…she is so ruled that she has no name, no identity of her own, no home for herself, no money to call her own. She is only made to depend on her man and hence she has to listen to everything he dictates. Forget the fact that she has no say in how the house should function she has no say in what she can wear too.

It’s so ironical when the world is advancing in time, technology and thinking our Indian men are where they are in the late BC’s. They are so proud of being there that they maybe they are probably waiting to catch up with the rest of the world when the earth taken a full turn again!

The Phantom Post!

This post was ghost-directed by me.

Since I don't know too much about blogging, I asked Sudu to do this and he's done such a wonderful job of it.

Finally I have my own space on the net. So keep coming back to get a sneak peak into the world of Arch! Will update this myself soon!